31. January 2024

There is something I find very interesting within the group dynamic of my new schooling program I am in. There are people with very different age groups, from 21 all the way to way beyond 50. But that isn't what I find interesting. What I find interesting is the fact that when there is something going on that causes anxiety of one of the guys I do group work together with then I will naturally take the lead of it. I do it for the sake of him not mentally shitting himself because I know how it...

31. December 2023

Last day of the year. Not gonna lie, I wanted to write this a year before, but that was when I started getting knee deep in some unholy shit. Unbelievable in all honesty. Anyway, let me summarize this month: I met my mother again, last time was 2019 at the funeral of my grandmother. This time it was at home. We didn't really talk much, or at all because the whole conversation was basically just my mother and stepmother. My father, my younger halfbrother and me barely said a thing. I admit, I...

30. November 2023

I wanted to write an entry about a week ago, but I had another appointment that was re-scheduled to yesterday so I waited to make this. So far everything seems to be going great to get an apprenticeship next year and everything is gonna covered. Nothing is set in stone yet, but so far there is nothing standing against it which is great. Not having something negative to look at for once feels great and looking at it back now, it does make me realize that I'm starting to change my usually...

16. October 2023

I want to keep things short in this one today. First of all: Financially everything is settled again, a great relief not gonna lie. Secondly, everything is looking good regarding the possibility of getting into programming. So there is an upwards momentum in my life again which is great. It is ironic that as soon as my life is starting to go the right direction again, another war breaks out. This time in Israel. And while I educate myself about the history of the region so I can understand the...

17. September 2023

The title says it all. It's been almost two months since my last entry, and many things have happened, some good, some bad. First of all, I am now unemployed, but I am still in contact with a company that contacted me a few weeks ago trying to get me employed somewhere. Talking about "leasing" workers. It's an abusive field in Germany, but it's better than nothing. Or so I thought. Don't get me wrong. I need work. But I won't travel way over 2 hours to work 8 hours inside a large hall...

24. July 2023

For those that know my political views, you know my stance on the German Empire. I want to give a brief summary for those that do not. Personally, I like using symbols from the German Empire, mainly to honor it in what it did good for us Germans. And that is a lot. The unification of the German states is the primary reason why it is right to honour the Empire. However, it is also essential to be aware of its flaws and mistakes, the biggest being the genocide against the Herero, the...

08. July 2023

It has been almost a month since my last entry, a lot of things have happened. Some worth mentioning, other things not so much. I want to put a bigger focus on the good things today: I have only one week left to work, then the company shuts down and by the end of the month my contract ends. While this does currently put pressure on me on hopefully finding an apprenticeship in time, it also gives me great relieve because I can finally see the end of an era pretty much. Working in a social field...

17. June 2023

I just want to write down my personal thoughts about something that just happened that I feel important to me to write down my own stance on this. So I happened to, somehow yet again, end up on a game server with the same streamer guy I already stumbled upon recently. It was...interesting and fun up until a certain point where a random viewer from the chat joined me. I didn't know this player personally, nor did I tell him about the situation or ask him to join. He joined by himself, which he...

10. June 2023

The title says it all. What a week this has been! One of the disabled people I work with collapsed this monday. The first time ever I was in an emergency situation like this. I'm glad he seems to be better by now as far as I know, but that monday, I was...overwhelmed. I was really afraid something permanent was going to happen, not to mention the worst. Thankfully there were others around me who were more competent at taking care of him so I was able to just focus on making a call and getting...

04. June 2023

There is something about my past that I only now really start to understand. I mean, I always understood, but truly living with that understanding and accepting it is a whole different story. I was always told to be one of the more intelligent individuals out there and that I could bring it very far, but I always assumed that's what every parent tells their kids. I was wrong. Some parents literally do not give a shit about their kid and I had the blessing of growing up in not just one, but two...